Why Pirates? They Just Arrrr...
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Why must the Monkey subject poor Timmy to the horrors of his variegated fluids? The gods themselves, they do not know.
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12 comments:
'And the name of our band, little lady, is "The Aristocrats."' -clik-
"Aharrr Jim Lad", choked the Captain, "there's yer proof. Even little girly farts can smell like a month-old murder, and you owe me five doubloons!"
"Arrr, so, once it was pokin' out the other end of him, like this, then what did you ... ? I see ... mmm hmmm ... uh huh ... Oooooooh!!! Really??!?!?!"
Like all pirates, Cap'n Bill's band considered themselves fairly unshockable. However they were no match for little Elsie's searing tales of depravity.
First, you can't be real sailors. You have all your limbs. Second, if I stand in that barrel and bend over won't I get dizzy?
"Keyser Thoze knowth where I am right now. He'th got the front burner under your ath to let me go so he can thcoop me up ten minuteth later..."
"Sorry kid, this is The Good Ship Lollipop. You just gotta sing cute..."
"Ha! The greatetht trick the Devil ever pulled wath convinthing the world he didn't exitht!"
New improved, non-sibillant version:
"Keyther Thoze knowth where I am right now. He'th got the front burner under your ath to let me go tho he can thcoop me up ten minuteth later..."
"Sorry kid, this is The Good Ship Lollipop. You just gotta sing cute..."
"Ha! The greatetht trick the Devil ever pulled wath convinthing the world he didn't exitht!"
The pirates were so amused by her birdcalls that they only realised too late that she was in fact summoning her avian army!
Billy knew something was up, first they had him put the frock and wig on, now they were telling him to climb in the barrel. This is not how he imagined sailing the high seas pillaging merchant ships.
"But" said Millie, "why not on Wednesday?"
"Because" said Captain Jack, "It's your turn in the barrel!"
It was only when Milly the under-aged stripper jumped out of the barrel that she realised she had misheard when she agreed to do a private party.
It was a good thing Annie was blind and deaf, beacause she had just fallen out of the last barrel labelled "salted pork", and the question of to grill or to boil was creating heated discussion.
"Guess what we're going to do to you !"
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