Comic #200: Learning Pickup Lines with Bertie
And that's number 200. There will now be the traditional brief interruption in transmission while I gasp for breath like a fat man chasing a cake. (A cake with legs.)
Thursday, November 15, 2007
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12 comments:
Enoch made a careful explanation of what he meant by "shit through the letterbox", but the girls were still not interested.
"Look here girls the sad fuck is actually counting the number of comics he's done."
"Psst. Jemima. Don't make it so obvious that your staring at his penis."
I don't know, perhaps he can tell us what to do with this squid
"So, I have finally caught you, girls" the evil mastermind caarefully placed a newspaper over his crotch to disguise any sign of semen, Maria slowly edged her hand towards the atomic hobo ray...
Leslie Phillips "Ding, dong!"
Young gel indignantly "And what exactly do you mean by that?!"
"Well in this case I'm intrigued by the sexual tension in the carriage and I'd like to have full penetrative sex with a bit of tromboning thrown in and I was wondering if either or both of you were a bit of a sort. But this being a 1950's comedy, even a mild expletive wouldn't get passed the censor, so we have to make do with Ding and indeed Dong."
"I'd hit it with a field hockey stick, Lettice. Give it a good whack, that'll teach the nasty pervert, my Uncle says."
"No, no: see, I have the ticket here, it was yesterday!"
The girls looked at the date in horror. They had just missed the Annual Dildo Expo! They would have to wait to market their new models next year. Until then, they would have to continue selling them door-to-door. Well, what happy chance, then, that they knew this fellow to be interested.
Ha!! Dildo Expo! Sounds like a good name for a blog about the race for the presidency here in the US. LOL!
"Would either of you like to get on this?"
"Quick Nelly call the guard"
"Don't be daft Susan, he was pointing to the X-Factor entry form."
"Madame would you be so kind as to ask your vapid sister to cease her staring at my penis? I can't enjoy my paper with her incessant glare."
"My apologies sir, she's quite a driveling dunderhead and we only use her to carry luggage. Right then, a good rap on the knees will stop her offenses."
"Oh do use that cane on the left, I'd gather it makes a right smart cracking sound!"
"Right you are good sir."
The girls stared in horror, as the grotesque thing emerged from the folds of the colonel's trousers. It was pink and wrinkled like the naked mole rat of Abasynnia but, but had no eyes or limbs. It had a great throbbing vein down its back. It rose its purplish head in the air, weaving to left and right as though it could taste the girls' scent in the air with its thin, slit-like mouth. It seemed to sense the girls, and grew tense and poised ... but for what?.
Harriet dared not take her eyes off it for a moment, for it might strike like a cobra. Hardly daring to breathe, she felt on the seat next to her for her hockey stick...
Next eposide: blood everywhere!
Right girls, one across: non-British sluts pee and cack wriggling on my face, perhaps? Ten letters. Any ideas? Hmmm. Hah! SPECTACLES - it's an anagram of SLUTS CACK and PEE, and you take out UK for non-British. Spectacles: on my face, perhaps, d'you see? Very good. Right, see if you can get the next one. One down begins with 'S'...
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